It must be a girl thing

Today most of my non-foreign class when to lunch together.  So that would be about 12 of us.  I'm enjoying the diverse group.  At my end of the table.  It was me another girl and then three boys.  We were discussing moving and getting out of comfort zones.  Well actually the girl and I were.  Two of the boys were from Memphis and the other was more recently from Nashville.   She asked me if I had cried here.  The boys looked at her in confusion and astonishment.  Which makes me laugh.  She had cried from loneliness.  So while I haven't cried here yet.  The two weeks leading up to the move were full of tears as I was fearing what I had gotten myself into, which  I admitted to whoever was listening.  But I understood what she was asking and sometimes boys just don't understand.

Another great moment of the day.  Us new to towners (more often the girls of the group) were asking the townies(mostly the males) what to do in Memphis.  A couple of different things were suggested and then several bars/clubs were suggested.  I then asked what non-bar/drinking things there were and received some suggestions.  But what I enjoyed was that a couple of hours later after lunch, this same guy makes a comment that he would keep thinking of non-bar things to do.  I really appreciate small things like this.  I doubt he will ever know, but that's ok.  His not knowing makes no difference, it has much more to do with God providing even in unlikely situations.

the question

Once upon a time, there was this little boy.  And I knew him from very young.  For you see, I was then just a little girl.  And as many little girls do, I had a crush on a little boy.  Somehow over the years, this little boy and that little girl became friends, but that was all.

   That little girl and this little boy grew up together.  As the years passed, their friendship waxed and waned but never died.  It was a joy for her to find that after months of silence the friendship was just as strong.

  You see the little girl grew up.  This simple things became harder.  The tears became more common than the laughter though she still fought for joy and against bitterness.  And though there were many, many tears,  they weren't all sad, they weren't all for herself, and they weren't all unanswered.

  That little girl has been friends with this little boy for a decade and a half.  Both have grown and both have changed.  Most little girls dream of fairy tales and prince charmings.  She often dreamed of him filling that role.

  And now, a war rages within her.  It's nothing new.  There have been other battles before, and there may be more again.  It's the war of dreams and reality.  So often she still tries to dream of him being Prince charming as she has often over the years.  But you see, she's no longer a little girl.  She is now a woman, who has known him for so long.  And she's tired of lying to herself.  And longs to finally be over him and to move on.

    But its hard.  Because this little boy has also grown.  Grown into a man.  And with honest eyes, she can see his flaws.  But she can also see his worth.  He's not yet the man to match the woman she has become.  And she's not willing to risk and bet on potentials that might be.  And all the while that he isn't yet the man to match her, she still has yet to grow to become the woman to match him.

  So the question: should she wait and hope for what might never be?  Or grow up, give up, and move on?

throwing off all that hinders and entangles in front of the witness cloud considering HIM who scorned shame, endured the cross for joy beyond blood

Hebrew 12:1-4

  Everything that hinders.  Why is it that worries so easily entangle and hinder?  These simple foolish things of this temporary world that affect this ugly breakable body.  Yet it is all we have previously known.  And it takes faith to know what we will become.  And not only does it hinder, but it leads to doubts and sin that entangle.

  And even more, we are charged to look to Christ!  And I think that I am lonely.  And I think that I have much to fear.  And I think that I suffer.  My life, my health is not threatened, let alone my blood poured out for those who would scorn my name.  I have not yet lived, nor sacrificed that much.  And though my very soul and spirit long for that courage, my heart and my mind fail and fear and dread and imagine things that may never be instead of having faith in things that are promised to come.

  Lord I pray you give me wisdom and courage to clearly see and follow your path for me, rejoicing and glorifying you wherever you lead me.

So it's a money struggle again.  How did our math go so wrong?  How did we both miss whatever it was that was missed?  Oh Lord, can you provide even now?  I am lonely and frustrated with so much.  I believe my parents will help, but this isnt being fair to them either.  Lord please help mom with this stress.   And Lord please help me with these bugs and give me wisdom as I look at new housing.  Help me give glory to you in each situation.

just starting

Over the past couple of days, as I wonder through each day, I keep thinking of things and observations that I want to say to people.  Sometimes specific people and sometimes just wanting to talk to anyone.  But then when I actually sit down to type, there is no organization to my thoughts.  I want to wait to write something profound or of interest.  As I avoid this day after day, I realize that I just need to write and maybe eventually someone else will find this interesting or insightful.