how lovely

So lately I've been seeing someone that I don't think I've seen in awhile. While now and then I maybe have caught glimpses, I haven't really seen her. And I realize that I've really missed her.
She is passionate, not just annoyed or angry, but good passion. And her passion is purposeful with actions following her heart. Apparently, she has more patience than I realized. And though sometimes she definitely needs to check her pride, she is willing to learn humility. And I've noticed that other people appreciate her directness, even though we are in the south. And her heart and her passion isn't just for the fun times, but also in her work. That though at times, things don't always work out right, she still strives hard.
I think she's really good at seeing people's need and trying to do something, though maybe that is only my skewed outlook.
And I've noticed her leadership skills lately, people are following her lead. In a good way. This last part is said with somewhat amazement, because I can definitely remember passed times where this wasn't true.
Lately, I've also started to see how lovely she is. Which is huge, because by worldly standards, she isn't physically beautiful.
And I find that I want to be her and that I want to grow more like her. And I kinda want to get to know her more. Seeing her fills me with hope of God's promises.

So by now you may be asking who this friend is. I think that she is what you guys see when you look at me. He who began a good work in me, is still at work, and I am excited to see how He will continue to work.
He's so gracious.

operation fellowship and outreach

Game night was success. As date approached there was concern that it may not go as well as anticipated. Not so many RSVPs of Yes, some coming early, some coming late.
As planner, things looked out of my control. But choose to pray and trust in God for fellowship even with a small group and to get over myself.
For most of the evening there were 10. 5 boys, 5 girls. In boys vs girls sukatash (please pardon spelling), the girls clearly proved themselves the better communicators.
New Hannah came and appears willing and eager to be sucked into group.
Through my own hungry eyes, hunger for fellowship was evident.
Cherry on top, co-host Heather's hubby freely offered (without any involvement from me) to close in prayer.

I hope others see the joy and potential that I do.
I think next planned event will be in about two weeks. Reason 1: because Palm Sunday and Easter stuff going on. Reason 2: Sunday school plan for bowling next Sunday evening. Reason 3: I want to see if someone else will step up and make plans.

Participation desired! If you pray for me, please direct in this area, because that's one place my heart is leading me right now.

provision and bounty

So Josh is a friend in Memphis that I have really come to appreciate. Both he and his wife. Though I doubt that I will every feel really close to either of them. I have felt loved. Josh is a fellow grad student and actually the other student in my lab. I have found that we make pretty good lab partners. Though life might be lacking in fun and laughter, it's comfortable and efficient, which is what I like my work area to be like. Josh and his wife Lindsay are also the couple who pick up strays and help them plug into fellowship. Almost every Thursday they host dinner and watching of the office. They both go to church where Lindsay's family is at and where she grew up. I now go to church where Josh grew up. I learned about and tried both through my connection with them. I have also been attending a woman's Bible study through their church, though it is often not the depth of the one that I attend through my church. I joined Lindsay's Bible study group because I was desperate for some fellowship and Bible discussion my second semester. This was when I was attending my church but not really plugged in yet. I often consider no longer attending this women's group, but I remain undecided.

As I have become more involved with my church and my Sunday school group, I have become less involved with the fellowship group of Josh and Lindsay. I'm branching off as is often expected. But I still deeply appreciate their friendship.

Monday, through Lindsay at Bible study, I find out that Josh is planning on leaving the program and becoming a teacher. And I can really see how that makes sense for him. But my initial reaction was "oh crap." I'm left all alone. Even though I don't talk to Josh a ton, he really is the only one I talk to during the day (though I do lunch w/ Kelly). But also, I am often intimidated with authority figures, even benign ones. And I like to have someone else to split their attention with. That way we can take turns been on the bottom of the totem pole. So that initially made me nervous. And then I felt a little annoyed that there was this big situation change right when I was feeling comfortable and excited with my church group.

And that's when I saw it. God's provision.

I have learned that I really need godly men in my life. And fellowship in my life. Lately, I have been so enjoying my church group, both the men and the women. And it is so dear and important to me. So I've realized that Josh and Lindsay formed a sort of interm fellowship for me. One that I needed until I got on my feet and involved.

As I shared in this in my Bible study tonight, one of the older women gave me this verse.

Jer 23:4 I will place shepherds over them who will tend them, and they will no longer be afraid or terrified, nor will any be missing," declares the Lord.

I hope that Josh never feels like these two last years were a waste. Because for me they weren't, and I am sure that both Danielle and Tyler would agree. I intend to tell Josh how his faithfulness has shown God's glory.

But I just want to praise God's timing and provision. I'm losing my interms after my feet have been established. And I am excited to run.

operation fellowship and outreach

initial stage of operation has been success. am now fully involved and accepted member of group.

beginning steps of next stage has commenced. have successfully been involved in the planning of one organized dinner activity, where much fellowship was observed within group. next organized activity in process. game night w/ cohost heather and her hubby. anticipate success as other previous games nights have been well enjoyed.

have had mini-discussions with several agreeing to eagerness of pursuit. have had longer discussion with charlotte and joey indicating general need. have revealed ideal of operation of heather.

future steps:

continued fellowship opportunities throughout the week without mom-Pam and dad-Tim needing to be involved. anticipate that they will approve of children growing up.

establish fellowship and encouragement of growth.

draw in strays. give them home and fellowship.

draw in lost through activities. give them hope

participation encourage:

need prayer. much prayer. and more prayer.

give me truth or shut up

Reading a book with several women. It's the celebration o discipleship. This last week was simplicity. I think the main point was "seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness."
One point was simplicity in speech. And lead to our discussion about lying and little white lies and so forth. One of the women is really nice and sweet and has a very pleasing personality and apparently tells little white lies all the time. To basically mollify or be polite. But I don't get it. I really don't. Maybe it is because I am both blunt and a northerner and they are southerners. But I don't get it. How is it more polite to lie to someone than to tell them the truth? Now, I'm not saying that I want everyone to come up to me and tell me how fat I am and that the humidity is definitely not doing anything for my hair. But I also don't want to be told that I look amazing if I don't. Cause most of the time, I know my real situation, so I know if you are lying, which just makes me suspicious of you and your character. And like I said, you don't have to say the negative thing to be honest. Silence is often a perfectly good alternative, though of course there are times to speak up. And though I love bluntness, I try to steer clear of brutal honesty.
One example of this pleasing person was a recipe for eggplant. Her mother in law had been spending a lot of time that week helping her prep for this recipe. Which the pleasing person really did not like. But when her mother in law asked, she said she enjoyed it. Her husband was shocked at her. But she didn't want to her this other persons feelings. (Now let's wonder at all the possible complications further down the road. Especially when mom in law makes this especially for her.) I think that it would have been perfectly ok and honest to state that you appreciate the effort and that though it is better than what you have had before that you still don't like eggplant. It just seems so obvious to me that you can state you dislike of eggplant without it being a reflection on the other person.

But I think I know what really gets to me about this. Honesty and integrity are so important and dear to me. I value them in the same place that I value faithfulness and view them all together. K-love had a quiz for finding your love language. Obviously my primary one is words of affirmation. . . So liars give fake love and ensue betrayal. So please be blunt and honest with me. Because then the real words of love actually have meaning.
Another thought is about actions. How does someone who hungers for words of affirmation deal with a world of liars? I almost always believe someone's actions over their words. So if you say that you love me/enjoy me/ want to spend time with me, yet there is never any actions to follow those words, then its obvious that the words were meaningless.

So don't be offended if you offer a compliment and I don't immediately throw one back, but be confident that when I do give one, it is because I want to say something nice/positive about you and not merely a form of etiquette.
And don't offer me words that have no actions to verify them. I may be fooled once, or even twice, but your words end up dead.
And please don't offer me useless flattery or beat around the bush. I long for actual communication. Let's be efficient and to the point so that our conversation can actually go somewhere meaningful, not just piled under lies and innuendos.

Philippians

Phil 2:17
But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.

You know, I've read this verse many times and have not really understood it. I understood the concept that Paul felt like he was an offering. And I imagined that he was expressing the thought of pouring his all into the work and the offering.

So Bible study last week, it was pointed out that back in the old testament days that the drink offering was usually the secondary offering along side one of the regular meat offerings.

So Paul isn't boasting that he is being poured out. But rather that he is the secondary offering, while the Philippians and their work in faith and their faith is the primary offering.

That was a really exciting epiphany moment.