hey now this is my desire, consume me like a fire

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in you hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Here is what I want. Though things may tempt and turn my head, this is the desire of my heart. Though there are times that I stare at what the world has and wonder if it is better. This is what I know is true. God has proven His faithfulness in word and deed and He has proven His love. And though there are moments that I feel frustration, disappointment, or impatience, I want His will and plan that is able to immeasurably more than I can imagine. I want what my God has planned. Lord, I pray that You do whatever it takes to draw me closer and make me more like you. If I can trust you with my eternity, please help me trust you with my today.

I don't understand how you could love me, but I know that you said you did and you don't lie. Please help me know the love that surpasses knowledge and be filled with Your fullness. I know that they are beyond my imagination.

choice

There are days when the state of the world just crashes down on me. I am a very privileged person in a privileged country, so most days I don't have to deal with it. Most days I can avoid it. Most days I can be callous and hide from it. But some days reality crashes in.

I work on a bacteria that causes a disease that is almost completely preventable. We know that cholera is transmitted by ingestion of infected food or water. Clean water, good sanitation, and education about these things would make this disease thing of history, like it is for us in the US. Most of the time when I mention cholera to friends, they imagine Oregon trail, a game based on our history. Most people don't know or realize that epidemics of cholera still occur and that it is endemic in many areas. Yeah, it can't be removed from the environment, but boiling water would sure be effective. Or washing hands in clean water. All those things that we take for granted. Often it is poor infrastructure of third world countries or areas of refugees. In other words, its a disease of unimportant disposable people, so why should we care.

For many of us, those people have no faces, names or histories. They are invisible. Maybe we see commercials of them or something like that. Maybe we hear their stories. And mostly, we forget.

We are in the information age. The realities of poverties should be more apparent to us and more available for us to help. And in some cases we see great efforts to help. I think Haiti is a great example of public rush to support invisible people after a disaster. But we are people of such short attention span. It has been less than 6 months since the earthquakes in Haiti. They are still in a disaster situation. When was the last time you heard anything about it? It is my assumption and hope that the agencies that collected the monies for Haiti are being wise in its use and that the great public outpouring is still in effect through that. But I don't know that. And though that is my hope, it is not my point. My point is the public. Who are easily moved to a temporary solution/outpouring, feel good about their efforts, and forget about it.

Most conditions of poverty, disaster, or disease need long term sustainable solutions. We are so willing to apply quick fixes, but so lacking in disciplined true solutions. It is so tragic to know that true solutions are possible, yet aren't in practice. WHO is trying to implement the use of a marginally successful oral vaccine for cholera. I don't know my opinion. Even marginal is better than nothing. But it's not the better choice.

You know I have similar thoughts when I see commercials for fancy feast cat foods. With real pieces of shrimp and chicken that you can actually distinguish. What is wrong with us? We feed our useless furry domestic animals nothing but the best, yet we allow the starvation of fellow human beings.

There are days that I wish to be blind or oblivious. But truly it is not the better choice.

Homesick?

Oh goodness. There are just those times when you long to see dear friends. In theory, the longer I am out of college, further away from you all, and more immersed in new friendships here, the less I should miss you. And yeah, it comes and goes. But somehow I think I just love you more every year. And that means I miss you. Tonight, not in the teary-eyed sort of way. But just the dull ache of wishing I could be many places at once.