Dress shopping

So among all the other things going on, I am dress shopping for summer weddings.  I always forget exactly how much I hate it.  Usually I am smart enough t bring a friend.  I really just long to be seen as beautiful as I am, in all regards.  Obviously, it's not just the dress.  That's just the focus point of the accumulation of all similar feelings and self doubt and loathing.  Honestly,  I've actually given up the expectation that I will find one, I just keeping hoping.  More than likely I will find one that "works" but that I actually rather hate.  Been there, done that.  Another reason I can't wait until heaven.